THE GARDEN IV

[In the Garden]

[the sun is setting]

Mephitabel: A fitting end for a perfect day!

[Link and Zelda kiss one more time]

[everyone cheers]

Link: Yes, what a lovely day!  I couldn’t have hoped for a better
wedding! 
Although, the best part is being forever yours, Zelda!

[Link nuzzles Zelda’s neck lovingly]

Everyone: Aw!!!
Legolas: I’d like to toast the happy couple, but alas, my toaster is
quite
small….
Cleo: How cheesy!
Brutus: Wow.  Anyone else hungry?
Caesar: Yes, quite.  Shall we eat?
Zelda: … WAIT!!!
Cleo: … WHAT?!?
Zelda: … CAKE!!!
Everyone: … what?  Huh?  Where?!
Zelda: ….Sherlock?
Sherlock: NO CAKE, MY DEAR IDIOTS!
dr. Watson: Cake?  Where?
Sherlock: [points to tree] sit.

[dr. Watson sits under tree, muttering about the cake]

Aragorn: But there were apples.
Zelda: But no cake!
Antony: But… there… were … APPLES!
Zelda: … NO… CAKE!!!
Aragorn (to Antony): Did you tell her there were apples?
Antony (to Aragorn): Yeah.  Did you tell her there were apples?
Cleo: Apples?  Where?
Link: Next to the cake.
Saria: Oh. Well, thanks for telling ME!!!
Caesar: Where’s the cake?
Zelda: ….. there is no cake!
Cleo: Then… where are the apples?!
Ruto: [sigh] Didn’t you listen?!  Next to the cake!
Zelda: I hate you all.
Caesar: Why? Wasn’t the cake good?
Sherlock: Wait!  I’ve got it!

[Everyone is silent]

Sherlock: Zelda is upset …. because…. there was no cake!

[Everyone gasps]

Sherlock: AND… because she didn’t get an apple!
Ghost of Ganondorf: Well… you can’t have mine! [runs]
Zelda: I DON’T WANT AN APPLE!  I WANT A CAKE!  WHAT’S A WEDDING WITHOUT
A
CAKE?!?
Link: ……what?
Zelda: WHY DON’T I HAVE A CAKE?!  A BEAUTIFUL, THREE-LAYER, DECORATIVE
CAKE?!  I’M A PRINCESS!
Link: …….[waits for her to realize what she said] ……….
Zelda: … what?
Link: Well, I… I just thought… maybe… our being united as one in the
eyes of
Matrimony was a bit more important than cake, but…
Marie: Hey now!  Let her have her cake!
Caesar: …. No.  Sorry, but no guillotine here.
henry: It’s okay!  I have a butcher knife in the car! [winks at Marie]

[Marie and henry run off]

Zelda: Our being united in the eyes of Matrimony is important… but…
cake.
Matrimony: Yeah, … you know what you need?
Zelda: What?
Matrimony: An apple!
Zelda: Get glasses!
Link: Anyway!  So… the cake is more important?  Fine.  Cleo, where’s
the
cake?
Cleo: Huh?!  Me?!  Caesar was the one who was in charge of food!
Caesar: What?  No!  Legolas was!
Legolas: No.  Antony.
Antony: No, it was Aragorn.
Aragorn: Huh???  No!  It was Brutus!
Brutus: Nope, it was Marie.
Marie: I told henry to do it.
henry: Gimli was supposed to!
Gimli: No, I did the bridge.  Haimon was to do the cake.
Haimon: I asked Antigone to do it.
Antigony: I thought you said Antimony.
Antimony: No, Helium told me he told Ruto.
Ruto: … To do what?
Antimony: I dunno.
Haimon: Me either.
Caesar: What happened?
Ruto: … [GASP]
Haimon: [GASP]
Antigone: [GASP]
Helium: [GASP]
Antimony: [GASP]
Ruto (innocently): … Did I forget the cake?!  Ohhh nooo…. I hope it
didn’t
RUIN the WHOLE wedding!!!\
Zelda (seething): WHAT?!?
Link: Geez, why is it so important?!
Mercutio: Yeah.  Have an apple!
Zelda: I swear, if one more person offers me an apple…!

[the apples run away]

Saria: Geez.  Ruto… why did you forget the cake?
Ruto: It’s not like I meant to….. [grins evilly] I’m SORRY, Zel- Zel!
Zelda: I hate you!  Why are you even here?!  Who asked you to come and
RUIN
the most SPECIAL DAY of my LIFE?!?
Caesar: … And why is it the most important day of your life?
Zelda: It’s my wedding!  There should be a cake!
Link: Geeeeez!!!  Zelda, don’t you love me?!  At all?  Is the stupid
freakin’ cake the ONLY thing you want?  Fine, I’ll buy you one, if
that’ll
make you happy.
Zelda: No.  Then it isn’t special.
Link: [Looks crestfallen] …
Zelda: [Finally realizing] Oh Link!  Oh…
Link: No, no… its … forget it! [runs]

[Everyone is stunned]

Zelda: Llllliiiiiinnnnnnkkkkk!!!!!!
Marie: All over a stupid cake too… [shakes head]
Ruto: I told Link he never should have married you, you horrible evil
witch!
henry: Now, no name calling!
Ghost of Ganondorf: Yeah, and Zelda’s no witch!  She’s just… a
perfectionist.
Saria: But LINK is perfect, and if her wedding wasn’t good enough just
for
that reason, Zelda doesn’t deserve him!
Zelda: Hey!  I love Link, okay?!  I just didn’t want anything to mess
today
up!
Marie: Doesn’t anyone care about what Link thinks?
Legolas: Hey, where’d he go, anyway?
Aragorn: Are there anymore apples?

[Zelda slaps Aragorn upside the head, and Link falls from the tree at
the
same time]

Link: Ow.
Aragorn: Ow.
Zelda: Link!
Link: Oh wow, you care!
Zelda: [in tears] Of course I care!
Brutus (to Caesar): Kinda seemed like she didn’t, you know…
Caesar (to Brutus): Hey!  Don’t you be messin’!
Brutus (to Caesar): I’m not be messin’!
Link: PLEASE!  I’m trying to talk to talk to my wife here! >=S

[Everyone hushes]

Legolas: ♪ “Dear Daddy, I write you, ♫ In spite of years ♪
of silence…”♫
Aragorn: ♫You’ve cleaned up, found ♪ Jesus, things are ♫
good or so I ♪ hear…” ♫

[Everyone stares]

Legolas: Weezer RULES!!!!!!

[Everyone stares]

Link: Ahem.  ANYWAY.
Zelda: I’m so sorry!  I never meant to hurt you.  I wanted it all to be
perfect, and … and… well… and, well… [breaks into tears and sobs]
Link: [holds Zelda] No, darling, don’t cry!  It’s nothing!  I know this
was
the most important day, and it was to be perfect, and…

[Zelda quits crying and smiles at Link]

Zelda: You still love me?!
Link: Of course!  “Let’s go ♫ away for a while, you and I, ♪ to
a strange and distant land ♫ …”  You’re right, Weezer is awesome!
Legolas: W !!!
Aragorn: No, it’s  W !  Duh!
Legolas: Dur. ^_^
Zelda: Let’s go Link—to our honeymoon.
Everyone: WHOO-HOOOO!!!!!!
Caesar: Kids, remember—“The first man to throw stones better have some
more
ready!”

[Everyone stares]

Caesar: What?  It’s good advice!
Link: ….T-thanks…. I guess…
Cleo: Well, another bit of advice:  Stay true to each other and much
happiness shall follow.
Brutus: You sound like a fortune cookie.
Cleo: Good.  that's where I got it. ^_^
Link: Yeah, thanks Cleo.  Well, I guess we should head out now…

[A gaggle of people rush in]

Sherri and Erin: WAIT!!!

[Everyone stares]

Sherri: The FOTL has arrived!
Erin: Well, us at least!
Jay: Why am I here?
Kelsey: I’m here!
Haleigh: You guys scare me.  Meow!
Laura: Um.  Where’s Jason?
Jason: Here!
Laura: Let’s leave!

[They leave]

Link: What are you doin’?
Erin: We wanted to see the wedding!
Sherri: Plus, we were bored.
Kelsey: Come to The Locker for your honeymoon!
Zelda: The… The Locker?
Caesar: Of course!  It’s only the coolest place in the WORLD!
Erin (to Sherri): Caesar—the Julius Caesar— just said “coolest.”
Sherri (to Kelsey): About The Locker too!
Kelsey (to no one in particular): Neat!
Jay: I’m leaving.  Congrats Link.
Heather: Take me with you.

[They leave]

Haleigh: Meow!

[Follows]

Link: Well, um… we were gonna… ya know… leave now…
Erin: Oh, well, we just wanted to give you a present.
Sherri: We made it ourselves!
Kelsey: Isn’t it beautiful?! [beams]

[They hold up a few sheets of paper all stapled together, and with a
lot of
tape all over it; A bunch of junk is glued to it in unpremeditated
places.]

Erin, Sherri, and Kelsey: A SKETCHBOOK ENTRY!  “ALL ABOUT US!”
Link: ……..
Zelda: ……..
Caesar: ………
Cleo: …………..
Legolas: ………….
Aragorn: ………..
Mephitabel: ………
Antony: …………
Bruté: …………..
Link: ….um.
Zelda: It’s…. lovely.
Legolas: Wow… Lots of … color…
Cleo: Mephitabel.
Mephitabel: Cleo.
Erin: I’ve been wondering—what’s with that?
Cleo: What?
Erin: The “Cleo/Mephitabel” thing.
Sherri: I told you a long time ago!
Erin: Well, I forgot! >=S
Kelsey: Baka.
Erin: Shut up!

[Everyone gasps]

Antigone: We know, we know!  Haimon loves me!

[Everyone gasps again]

Cleo: No one is supposed to say “Shut up” on this beautiful, magical,
special day!!!
Sherri: ….yeah!  >={ Silly Erin!
Erin: …. [cries] I’m SORRY!!!!

[Erin runs]

Sherri: Hm.  Better go catch her.  Bye!
Kelsey: Here! [Throws sketchbook] Congratulations!!!

[Both run after Erin]

Link: That was odd.
Zelda: Quite.
Caesar: Well!  Now that that is over… ^_^
Link: yes, I believe we shall go now… If it suits you, Zel-Zel.
Zelda: Of course.  Let’s go.

[Everyone waves and throws rice as the happy newlyweds climb into
Link’s
carriage and ride off into the sunset, headed for “The Locker”…]

THE END