THE GARDEN III

[In the Garden]

Caesar: I’m so proud, I could cry.

Cleo: PLEASE don’t.

Henry: Cleo, this is an important day.

Legolas: That has GOT to be the most he’s ever said at once. Ever.

Aragorn: Antony?

Antony: Aragorn?

Antony and Aragorn: Heeeeey! What’s up? Not Mu-

Cleo: SHUT UP!

Marie: No. We will NOT say "SHUT UP!!!" on this momentous day of great importance and occasion.

Dr. Watson: ...And what day would that be?

[all stop and stare at Dr. Watson]

Bruté: ...who invited him?

Portia: And why?!?

Gimli: I have repaired broken bridges with the honorable gentleman called Link... or is that broken fences?...or did I mend it all?...

Sora: My advice would be smile and nod.

Saria: Yo. I bring greetings from Hyrule. They say peace and happiness to the princess and her lover. To King Caesar, they say go explore Texas... they hear it’s a whoooole ‘nother country...

Frodo: Thank you Saria.

Saria: Anytime. Where’s the food?

[Mephitabel pulls Saria to the side and whispers in her ear]

[Saria nods]

Saria: I see. Okay, I’ll wait.

[Saria goes to sit under the tree]

Aragorn: Okay. Anyways. Since the restrictor of our relieving riotness is currently retained, what’s up?

Antony: I am SO missing the honeysuckle

Cleo: ...BUZZ!

[Ruto enters]

Marie: RUTO! You CAME!

Ruto: ...traitor.

[Ruto mumbles to herself]

Ruto: Stupid gates. The Garden needs bigger gates. If it had bigger GATES, I would have been able to fit that Trojan horse in here!

Sherlock: And MY advice would be to just smile and nod...

dr. Watson: but... WHAT special occasion is this?!?

Cleo: LINK AND ZELDA ARE FINALLY GETTING MARRIED!

Aladdin: Ah. I know how they feel.

Jasmine: They will truly appreciate the bond their love has made for each other.

Iago: So... tell me again, guys... WHY does this sound familiar?...

Abu: ` ~` `~~~ ` ~~`` [monkey talk]

=+=translation: Oh, remember? We saw the third movie! As a matter of fact... we WERE the third movie! :end translation=+=

Carpet: [nods]

Cleo: HA! You can’t smile!

[Carpet tries to smile, but alas, all his/her/its efforts are in vain]

Marie: Heehee... it’s NOT funny... HeeheeHAHA! [falls over laughing]

Ruto: Ah. Make that traitorous hypocritical liar.

Frodo: SHUT- BUZZ!

Jasmine: So, when are they going to be here?

Caesar: Tomorrow.

Caesar: Just kidding.

[Everyone prepares to attack Caesar]

Riku: Wait! here they come!

Kairi: Really?

Riku: ...no.

Sora: Yes they are. [Sora and Riku jump down from tree being used as lookout]

Kairi: Whatever. Come on, Shadow.

Shadow: ~/~/~/~/~ [heartless talk]

=+=translation: wait! Not without Shu! : end translation=+=

Shu: Squeak! ^.^

[Shu, Shadow, and Kairi go to sit under the tree]

[Riku, Sora, henry, Aragorn, Antony, Bruté, and Portia all go to sit under the tree also]

Dr. Watson: So... Link and Zelda are getting married?

Sherlock: I’ve decided that my next investigation shall be centered upon you, dearest Watson. I’ll entitle my search Watson’s Brain and Why it Doesn’t Work!

Dr. Watson: Really?

Sherlock: No.

[They go to sit under the tree]

Cleo: Mephitabel.

Mephitabel: Cleo.

Ruto: Sadly, yes.

Marie: WHY?!?

Link: Hello everyone!

Marie: ...is it really tomorrow already?!?...

Link: Not gonna ask.

Caesar: Hello son. This will be a beautiful and successful wedding.

Link: Ayup. ^_^

Cleo: Mephitabel.

Mephitabel: Cleo.

Everyone under the tree: BUZZ!

Link: "Buzz"? ...that’s new.

Legolas: Link, thanks for letting me be part of your special day.

Link: No problem. You and I, we go back.

Legolas: Most definitely.

Cleo: BUZZ!

Gimli: [puzzled, but trying] Link, I would just like you to know that I have fixed our leaky water gates that need bridges, which I mended, so the fences are okay now!

Link: Uh... thanks Gimli. I appreciate it.

[Gimli smiles contentedly and goes to sit under the tree]

Portia: Will Zelda be here soon?

Link: I believe so.

Mercutio: Well then. Am I to perform the ceremony?

Caesar: okay.

[noises are heard as yet another party joins the rest in the Garden]

Haimon: So sorry we’re late, but did-

Antimony: -we miss anything?

Helium: WHAT?!? You-you’re...but... you’re supposed to-

Antigone: -finish HIS sentences!

Creon: why? All FOUR of you are in love!

All but Haimon, Antigone, Helium, Antimony: GASP!

Ruto: Noooooo- Creon! hey!

Henry: ...

Sora: ...

Legolas: ...

dr. Watson: dots?

Sherlock: BUZZ!

dr. Watson: but... I don’t understand.

Helium: words that could be his motto.

Sherlock: Everyone... please [begins singing] why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends, why can’t...

[Sora and Riku come out from under tree]

[Sora and Riku lift Sherlock]

[Sora and Riku carry Sherlock under tree while nodding for dr. Watson, Helium, Antimony, Haimon, Antigone to follow]

[dr. Watson, Helium, Antimony, Haimon, Antigone follow]

[Sherlock continues singing]

Legolas: why?...

Cleo: Mephitabel.

Mephitabel: Cleo.

Caesar: Can’t we all just be happy for Link and Zelda?

henry: Please?

Ruto (snarling): We ARE happy. Grrrrr!

Marie: Of course. And I’m especially pleased it was my idea.

[Ruto attacks Marie]

Ruto: You LIE!

Marie: Only to sad, lovesick, wishful, and VERY unimportant LOSERS!

Ruto: So then... you didn’t lie to ME, you only lied to YOURSELF?!?

Ruto: Aw. There, darling, it’s okay!

Legolas: Well. That was unexpected.

Aragorn (to Antony): Could you please pass me the honeysuckle?

Antony (to Aragorn): no.

Aragorn (to Antony): Why not?

Antony (to Aragorn): ...we ran out.

[dr. Watson begins crying]

dr. Watson: But! how could this happen to me?!?

Cleo: Um, hello. You didn’t have any anyways.

Mephitabel: So it’s not like you should care.

Legolas: Or, next time, don’t get too emotionally attached to... food-ish substances.

Bruté: Profound!

Caesar: What? Hast thou lost thy mind? Why art thou putting into use large, intermediate words and eloquent sleep?

Portia: BUZZ!

Marie: Cleo, did you do a good job with the gown?

Cleo: of course. I’ll describe it. It’s-

Link: no! wait! Can’t we just wait for the lovely bride wearing it to arrive?!?

Caesar: I agree.

Legolas and Link: Who cares?

Ghost of Ganondorf: Hey. Don’t TELL me it’s really true. You and Zelda are getting married.

Link: Zelda and I are getting married.

Maxwell Smart: He asked you not to tell him that.

Marie: Ok. We shall, indeed and of course, wait for Zelda.

Frodo: because you are a radio stararararar you are a radio stararararar!

Marie: ...but then wouldn’t radio have killed me?...[bursts out crying]

Frodo: oops. Sorry, dear.

[Frodo takes the still-quietly-sobbing Marie by the arm as they go to sit under the tree]

Mercutio: Aw. Shall I perform a joint-ish wedding today?

Link: Um... no.

Ruto: no. It’s Zelda’s special day.

[Maxwell, Ruto, and henry go to sit under the tree]

Mercutio: So. Please explain exactly what’s going on with the wedding.

Link: You will stand right next to that set of bushes- the one right near the tree everyone will be under.

[Frodo comes back from comforting Marie]

Frodo: So... the wedding is right here and happy and all, so... then we’ll have the reception about 20 feet away because that is where the honeysuckle plants are, right?

Link: of course.

Mercutio: Great. Now... where’s Zelda?

Caesar: I think we’d tell you if we knew...

Aladdin: Yes, well, Jasmine and I feel that we’re not really helping, so we’ll join the others.

[Aladdin, Jasmine, Iago, and Abu go to sit under the tree]

Cleo: Mephitabel.

Mephitabel: Cleo.

Legolas: Caesar, you’re giving Zelda away, Cleo’s the maid of honor, I’m the best man, and, Mephitabel, are you the flower girl?

Mephitabel: yup. And Frodo’s the ring bearer. ^_^

Link: Then it’s perfect. Everything’s ready.

Caesar: And yes, I got the food when I-

Portia: -asked me ever so sweetly-

Brutus: -to prepare a feast fit for the future king.

Simba: because it’s the Ci-ircle, the circle of li-ife!

[Simba and Sherlock climb to higher branches on the tree so as to avoid others who do not care for the harmonic background music]

[others who do not care for the harmonic background music are avoided]

[harmonic background music is continued]

Sora: MAN, I wish there was honeysuckle!

Carpet: [nods]

Cleo: HAHA! You STILL can’t smile!

[Carpet flies over behind the tree and tries, alas, still vainly, to smile]

Link: Okay then. We’re ready. Finally.

Legolas: yeah. All we need now is Zelda.

Zelda: hello everyone! ^_^

Cleo: Zelda! You’re here! And you look great!!!

Mephitabel: Yes! You’re beautiful!

[Caesar begins sobbing uncontrollably]

Caesar: Zelda, baby, you’re all grown up. My little girl!

Zelda: Daddy! I’m still me!!! ^_^

[Zelda hugs Caesar]

Link: Aww! ^_^

[Gimli comes out from under tree]

Gimli: Dear lady Zelda, I think you ALSO should know that I have fixed the-

Link: -everything is fine with us, is what he’s trying to say.

Legolas: ::cough:: emphasis on trying ::cough again::

Gimli: thanks Link. That’s a lot easier than reciting my paragraph about the leaky bridges.

[Gimli smiles contentedly once again and goes to sit under tree]

Zelda: ...leaky bridges?

Link: don’t ask.

Cleo: Mephitabel.

Mephitabel: Cleo.

Mercutio: Well then. Well then again. Now that we all are here, let us perform the ceremony!

Legolas: I second the motion!

Cleo: Thirds!

Mephitabel: As soon as Caesar stops crying, I fourth the motion!

Caesar: [stops crying] Fifthfulness of fifth!

Frodo: then let us begin. ^_^

Mercutio: Places, everyone!

[Everyone takes places]

Mercutio: Ahem. Everyone ready? Take a deep breath and relax. This is a wonderful day for ALL of us.

Zelda: And before we begin, I’d appreciate it if everyone took a moment to look around. Enjoying the flowery decorations? They’re all for Link, my one true love.

Link: Yes they're very nice. A hero like me deserves them. Quite worthy, love. Good job.

Zelda: but... don’t you even care that I did them YOUR way? Even after all my OWN plans were made?

Link: yes. Very nice. May we begin, please?

Zelda: Uh! But-

Caesar: How wonderful! I can’t hardly not wait!

Mephitabel: Double negative! Yay!

[Link walks alone to Mercutio]

Link (quietly): Legolas, what think ye of the wedding?

Legolas (also quietly): Methinks it shall be worth remembering.

Mercutio (quietly): of course. It’s YOU two, after all. ^_^

[Cleo walks slowly down the path as the harmonic background music continues]

[Mephitabel walks slowly down the path to the others, strewing sweet-smelling rose petals about as she walks]

Everyone under the tree: Aww!! So beautiful... precious... finally... amazing... perfect!

[Zelda walks down the path on Caesar’s arm]

[Link smiles as Zelda reaches him]

Link: Finally here, love. And we’ll be together forever.

Zelda: but the flowers-

Legolas: don’t worry about it. ^.^

Cleo: It’ll be fine Zelda. ^,^

Caesar: I’m so proud and happy. I love you both.

[Mercutio proceeds with wedding procedures]

Mercutio: And if anyone here has any reason for these two not to be wed, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace.

Shadow: ~/~/~/~/~

Saria: yo, he said: "I do. Link doesn’t love Zelda- he doesn’t care about the sacrifice she made for him."

Link: but-

Zelda: [sobs] ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE RESPECT AND GRATITUDE SHOWN!

Link: but Zelda, they’re just FLOWERS!

Zelda: ... to YOU! I had a beautiful arrangement planned, but nooooo. I did them YOUR way because I loved you!

Link: Are you implying you don’t love me NOW?!?

Zelda: I don’t KNOW! Maybe. Maybe not. I just want the way I’ve acted to be APPRECIATED!!!

Link: It IS!

Zelda: You’re just SAYING that!

[Zelda runs off to another tree in the Garden]

[Cleo follows, also crying]

Caesar: You... you... you MONSTER! She loved you, trusted you, hoped that the way she did the flowers FOR YOU might be appreciated. Couldn’t you show you loved her every once in a while?!? [glares]

Link: WHAT DO YOU CALL ME RISKING MY LIFE TO SAVE HER?!? Just "reeeeeally liking" her? Or perhaps "thinking she’s pretty cute"? Or quite possibly "Maybe Hyrule will like me if I save this annoying brat!!!"?!? Wait! That’s unreasonable, because 1) Hyrule doesn’t like me, 2) Hyrule will NEVER like me, 3) I don’t care about Hyrule, and 4) I don’t even LIKE Hyrule. As long as I’ve got Zelda.

Caesar: So you want to hold Zelda as ransom from Hyrule?

Link: DUDE! Were you NOT just listening?!? I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HYRULE. It could DIE for all I care.

Caesar: Then why do you want to marry the princess of Hyrule?

Link: This has nothing to do with her being a princess.

Caesar: It doesn’t?

Legolas: Of course not.

Antony: It doesn’t?

Sherlock: of course not.

Marie: It doesn’t?

Bruté: of course not.

Ruto: It doesn’t?

henry: of course not.

Ruto: do you just have a thing about contradicting me?

henry: of course not. [winks]

Portia: AHEM. It doesn’t?

Mephitabel: of course not.

Sora: It doesn’t?

Riku: of course not.

Kairi: It doesn’t?

Carpet: [shakes head no]

Sherlock: fascinating. Seems to me to be the equivalent of "of course not."

Aladdin: It doesn’t?

Jasmine: of COURSE not!

Shadow: ~/~/~/~?

Abu: `~``~``~```~`~ ``~`~``

Simba: ROAR!??!

Frodo: of course not.

Gimli: It doesn’t?

Maxwell: of course not.

Cleo: It doesn’t?

Aragorn: of course not.

Mercutio: It doesn’t?

Link: of course not.

Mercutio: but... then why?

Zelda: because he loves me.

Link: exactly.

Ruto: NO! He loves ME!

Everyone including Marie: BUZZ!!!

Link: Zelda, I love you more than anyone. You are my true love. You are my life, laughter, and hope. I thought we were meant for each other. And if our wedding doesn’t work because of flowers, then, apparently, I was wrong.

Zelda: Link, I... you really mean that.

Link: I don’t say what I don’t mean. Most of the time! ^_^

Zelda: Link, I love you too. And you’re right about the flowers. So... yeah. I’ll still marry you. ^_^ because I love YOU more than anyone else! Always and forever!

Caesar: But Zelda, you’re MAD at him.

Zelda: ... why would I be mad at him?

Cleo: um dur. Flowers?

Zelda: Yeah, but he loves me. You know? And we really are truly destined for each other!

Legolas: Guys, I’m SO happy for you! ^_^ NOW may we continue with the wedding?

Aragorn (to Antony): ...there’s APPLES!!!

Antony (to Aragorn): Really?!?

Aragorn (to Antony): Ayup.

Antony (to Aragorn): Well then, would you please pass me an apple?

Aragorn (to Antony): here.

Antony (to Aragorn): thank you.

Aragorn (to Antony): you’re welcome.

Antony (to everyone): Three cheers for Aragorn!

Everyone: Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

Antony (to Aragorn): that was your welcome. ^_^

Aragorn (to Antony): and everyone can’t count!

Cleo: Mephitabel.

Mephitabel: Cleo.

Mercutio: That sounds great, LEGOLAS! XP

Zelda: Link. I do.

Link: Zelda, darling. I do.

Mercutio: Ok. I now pronounce you... Link and Zelda... of Hyrule. Yeah. You may now kiss the bride.

[Link kisses Zelda]

Ghost of Ganondorf: finally!

Cleo: Aw! Mephitabel!

Mephitabel: Aw! Cleo!

Legolas: It’s beautiful. So wonderful!

Aragorn: We’ve ALL been waiting a long time for this. ^_^

Antony: It’s finally happened. Done. Finis. Over.

Ruto: ...I don’t believe it. Link and Zelda. and Zelda. Zelda. ZELDA!!!

Marie: I know. Isn’t it great?!?

Caesar: wait. They’re not married.

Marie: why?

Caesar: because. You people just don’t notice things.

Sherlock: What he’s trying to say, dear peoples, is that the ring bearer is STILL bearing the ring.

Everyone but Sherlock, Caesar, and Frodo: Oh.

[Frodo walks slowly down the path to Link and Zelda]

[Gollum jumps at Frodo]

[Frodo dodges in one swift motion]

[Aragorn grabs the airborn Gollum]

[Aragorn smoothly and swiftly throws Gollum over the wall of the Garden]

Gimli: It’s a good thing he’s gone.

Antony: I wonder when and if he would have noticed it was the wrong ring.

Aragorn: Knowing him, which I don’t, probably never.

Cleo: AHEM!!!...the wedding.

Mephitabel: Ah. Yes.

[Frodo offers the rings to Link and Zelda]

[Link and Zelda place the rings on each other’s fingers]

dr. Watson: Whew. No one disappeared.

henry: BUZZ!

Sherlock: hm. We shall have to give them wedding presents.

Zelda: really, it’s all okay. We don’t really neeeed anything... right Link?

Link: right!

Sherlock: but... I could make you non-stick cookware. I just got some Polytetrafluoroethylene.

Frodo: dr. Watson, henry, Sherlock, you guys are under the tree.

[dr. Watson, henry, Sherlock go to sit under the tree]

Zelda: Link, my darling. ^_^

Cleo: aw! again! Mephitabel!

Mephitabel: ... aw! again! Cleo!

Link: Zelda, dearest. How would you like to live in a Hyrulean village for a while before returning to the castle?

Zelda: Oh, Link, it sounds wonderful!

Marie: Oooh, that sounds sooooo romantic!

Frodo: so sweet!

Zelda: Daddy? Are you okay? You haven’t said ANYTHING!

Caesar: ...I’m fine. I’m just so proud.

Link: Sir, thank you for allowing me to wed your beautiful daughter.

Caesar: You are welcome.

Zelda: Daddy, you don’t mind if we live in a village before the castle, do you?

Caesar: I guess not. ^_^ Have fun.

Ruto: ...but Link...why?

Link: because I have been in love with Zelda for a long time.

Zelda: Aw! ^,^

[Aragorn and Antony move from under the tree to where the honeysuckle plants are]

Aragorn: And NOW it’s been a perfect day.

Antony: You got that right.

Marie: BUZZ!

[Saria goes to join Aragorn and Antony]

Saria: FINALLY!!!

[Saria stuffs her face with honeysuckle]

Kairi: So, is this the reception?

Legolas: It is, officially, now the reception.

Marie: YAY!

[Kairi, Sora and Riku bring Shu and Shadow over to the honeysuckle]

Sora: ooh, fun.

[Aladdin and Jasmine bring Abu over to the honeysuckle]

Frodo: Ruto, will you join me?

Ruto: ...of course.

[Frodo and Ruto step over to the reception]

Legolas: Cleo?

Cleo: certainly!

[Cleo smiles]

[as does Legolas]

[Cleo and Legolas walk over to the honeysuckle]

dr. Watson: Sherlock?

Sherlock: henry?

henry: Marie?

Marie: Mercutio?

Mercutio: Gimli?

Gimli: ...are there any bridges?

Mercutio: No.

Gimli: Good. Maxwell?

Maxwell: Simba?

Simba: ROAR?!? RO?!?

Mephitabel: Ghost of Ganondorf?

[Ghost of Ganondorf shakes head slowly, as if already regretting a future decision]

Ghost of Ganondorf: [sighs] Haimon?

Haimon: [grins] Antimony?

Antimony: Helium?

Helium: Antigone?

Antigone: Creon?

Creon: Portia?

Portia: Brutus?

Bruté: Caesar?

Caesar: yes. I’m ready.

[Caesar nods to Carpet]

[dr. Watson, Sherlock, henry, Marie, Mercutio, Gimli, Maxwell, Simba, Mephitabel, Ghost of Ganondorf, Haimon, Antimony, Helium, Antigone, Creon, Portia, Brutus, and Caesar all go to the honeysuckle reception with Carpet]

Caesar: Link, son. I trust that you and Zelda will have a few adventures together. I also trust that you will take care of her.

Link: Thank you. I will.

[Link kisses Zelda once more]

Zelda: And this has been a wonderful day. I love you so much, darling.

Cleo: Mephitabel.

Mephitabel: Cleo.

dr. Watson: BUZZ!

[All stop and stare at dr. Watson]

dr. Watson: ...what?

Frodo: Aw! this is so cute.

Ruto: I agree. [puts arm in Frodo’s]

Cleo: that is cute. ^_^

Legolas: Ayup. ^_^ [takes Cleo’s arm in own]

[Cleo smiles at Legolas]

Ghost of Ganondorf: well. How wonderful!!!

Sherlock: You are SO right!

Marie: yeah!

[The sun is setting]

[The sky is a rainbow of colors]

Mephitabel: A fitting end for a perfect day!

[Link and Zelda kiss one more time]

Simba: ROAR!!!

[background music that seems harmonic rises from the trees as the birds begin to sing]

birds: It’s the CI-IRCLE... the CIRCLE offffff....Liiife!!!

[Everyone cheers]

Bumblebee: [eats some honeysuckle]..buzz! [smiles contentedly]

[Carpet smiles at the happy couple]

Cleo: [gasps] Go YOU!

Everyone: YAY!

Bumblebee: (high pitched) yaaaaay! fullness of happy doom!

THE END