HE GARDEN II
[In the Garden]
Link: Finally, we can be alone. [kiss]
Zelda: Oh Link! I missed you![kiss]
[rustle]
[Cleo emerges from the bushes]
Cleo: Oh Antony, this shall be... Link! Zelda! um. Hiiii!
Link (jumping up): Cleo!
Zelda: Link?
Antony: Legolas?
[Legolas comes out of a tree]
Legolas: Aragorn?
[Aragorn falls from said tree]
Aragorn: Cleo!!
Cleo: Caesar?
Zelda: Daddy?
Link: Whoa!
Caesar: Ahem! Link... son, I have decided, you and Zelda shall marry!
Link: Yeah, we covered that a while ago, remember?
Caesar: Cleo! Love!
Cleo: No! Antony!
Antony: Aragorn! [winks]
Aragorn: Saria?!
Link: [gasp]Saria?!?
Saria: Yo, ‘tis I, gangsta Saria! Yo... wait, no, I’m not gangsta Saria. I’m just regular Saria. Oops! ^_^
Link: Oh. Good.
Cleo: Ahem. What were you and Zelda doing Link?
Link: Um! Nothing!
Zelda: What were you planning on doing?!
Link: Erg!
Caesar: Link! There will be no...
Brutus: Caesar! Caesar! Where are you?!
Caesar: [gasp] I gotta go! Be good Link! [runs]
Haimon: I’m in love with Antigone.
Helium: Yeah?!
Haimon: Yeah!
Helium: Okay.
Melissa: Hi.
Wyatt: Don’t you love me?
Melissa: Yep.
Tony: Erin loves me!
Butterpuff: I love Muffin!
Muffin: Aww... I love you too.
Butterpuff: Really?
Muffin: No! [pulls off mask] I’m Ffuprettub! Muahaha!
La La: Stupid Ffuprettub. [whack]
Ffuprettub: [dies]
Cupcake: Go, La La!
Link: Let’s go, Zel-zel.
Zelda: Not without Legolas!
Whole group: [GASP]
Legolas: Okay. Aragorn?
Aragorn: Let’s go!
[Aragorn, Legolas, Link, and Zelda leave]
La La: Ooh, pretty light!
[Galadriel appears]
Galadriel: Gollum! Where’d you go? Excuse me dears, have you seen Gollum? We’re playing hide-and-seek.
[A bush rustles]
[A laugh is heard]
Galadriel: Aha! There you are!
Gollum: My precious!
Galadriel: [hugs Gollum] My precious.
Gollum: Where’s Bottom?
Butterpuff: Bottom?
La La: Gollum and Galadriel?
Cupcake: Bottom?
Muffin: Hey! There!
Bottom: Shh! Nooo! They found me!
Galadriel: Ahahaha! I am the queen of hide-and-seek! A dark and terrible, great queen! [face turns blue] I rule the game!
[silence]
Gollum and Bottom: Let’s go now! [pulls her away]
Butterpuff: Whoa.
La La: Whoa.
Cupcake: Whoa.
Muffin: You’re one very seductive cupcake!
Cupcake: Thanks! [fluffs hair]
[Kenshin appears]
*NOTE: Kenshin, Sano, and Aoshi
will be speaking in Japanese.
English subtitles appear.*
Kenshin: [Japanese] Hey, where am I? This isn’t Japan...
La La: [Japanese] You’re in "the Garden."
Kenshin: [Japanese] Where’s that?
Butterpuff: [Japanese] um... it’s.... I dunno!
Sano: [crashing through bushes, muttering in Japanese]
La La: [GASP] SANOSUKE!!!! [cling]
Sano: Nani?! ("what?")
La La: I love you! I mean... Aishiteru!
Sano: WHAT?! Oh... All right.[looks at Kenshin]
Kenshin: Eh, Sano, it doesn’t seem to be a problem to me, that it does not.
Sano: Kenshin!
La La: No, wait. Amber loves you. I can’t love you! [fall]
Sano: [sigh] weirdo.
Kenshin: Shh! I hear a rustle, that I do.
[Aoshi emerges]
[Muffin, Cupcake, and Butterpuff fall over]
Collective scream: AOSHISAMA!
Aoshi: Oh no...
Butterpuff: I love you!
Muffin: I want to be you!
Cupcake: [still on the ground]
Aoshi: Kenshin, have you seen Galadriel? She promised to be my dark and terrible queen and then went to play with these little things...
[Galadriel runs by, chased by Ed]
Ed: Oh la la, not playing with Ed?
Galadriel: Help me Kenshin! She’s... [stops] Aoshi?
[Ed crashes into her]
Aoshi: Galadriel! Where were you?
Galadriel: Hide-and-seek!
Kenshin: That’s really fun, that it is.
Sano: Kiddy games. Huh. [hits Kenshin]
Kenshin: Oro!
[Aoshi and Galadriel walk away, while Butterpuff and Cupcake sob hysterically]
La La: At least Sano’s here still!
[Sano runs]
Kenshin: Oro? M-matte, Sanosuke! ("Wait!")
[Kenshin leaves very quickly]
La La: Ohh... that was sad.
Muffin: Aoshi-sama... [sigh]
Cupcake: Aoshi-sama... [sigh]
Butterpuff: Aoshi-sama... [sigh]
Ffuprettub’s corpse: Shut up you guys, he’s an anime character!
[Spike appears]
Ffuprettub: SPIKE!
Spike: Huh? Wha?
Butterpuff: Spike!
Spike: What?!?
Cupcake: Spike!
Spike: Wha!!! Whoa... ¦you’re a pretty sexy cupcake!
Cupcake: Yeah, yeah, I know! ^.^
Butterpuff: [poke]
Spike: Yo! Hey! What?
Butterpuff: [poke] Spike!
Muffin: Never mind her. ^_^
Spike: Well... Hey, have you guys seen Sanosuke?
Cupcake: Yeah, he left. He went that way.
[Spike leaves, as Henry the gardener comes in]
Henry: Hey young people! Where’s that Link kid?
[Link appears as if by magic]
Henry: Wow, you appeared as if by magic!
Link: How did I appear as if by magic?
La La: Me.
Link: Oh.
Henry: Where’s Marie?
Link: I don’t know.
Henry: You’re a lot of help.
Link: Yep. [impatiently]Can I go now?
Henry: Yep.
La La: Toodles!
[Link disappears as if by magic]
Henry: Okay. Bye.
[Henry leaves]
[Rehtaeh, Nerak, Nire, and Irrehs come in]
Nire: Tiaw, s’erehw Yeslek?
Irrehs: I t’nod wonk. Ehs saw ereh a dnoces oga.
Nerak: Kool! A niffum!
Rehtaeh: Taen! A ekacpuc! Yxes!
Nire: ON! T’NOD TAE MEHT!
Nerak: Yhw ton?
Nire: Yeht era ym sdneirf!
Rehtaeh: Ho. Ko. revetahW!
Muffin (confused): um... Hi?
Nire: Tahw?
Muffin: Okayyy...
Nerak: s’teL og, syug! M’I deracs!
[They leave]
Muffin: That was weird.
La La: Does anyone else hear that weird music? It’s creepy!
Muffin: Yeah... I hear it.
Butterpuff: Scary!
[The three witches from Macbeth arrive]
1st witch: Double, double.
2nd witch: Toil and trouble,
3rd witch: Who be you?
1st witch: Be you food?
Muffin: No!
Cupcake: Not food!
La La: Nooo!
Butterpuff: I’m really not food-food! ^.^
2nd witch: I’m very hungry, sisters of mine.
3rd witch: Since we had food, it’s been a time.
Muffin: Please don’t eat me!
1st witch: Quite a time, many moons.
2nd witch: I shall collapse if I do not eat soon.
3rd witch: Let us gobble and chew them up.
1st witch: Let me fill with blood my little cup.
Cupcake: Creepy!
Legolas: I shall save you! [jumps from tree]
Butterpuff: Legolas! Oh!
Muffin: Phhht...I could do that. [rolls eyes]
Cupcake: Oh Legolas!
[Legolas shoots 1st witch. She vanishes.]
Muffin: Hey now... I could do that.
La La: Legolas! Thank you!
[Legolas saves them]
Muffin (sulking): I could have saved them...
Butterpuff: Oh Muffin, we know, but they might have eaten you! Then we’d be sad!
Muffin: [looks up] Really? You care?
Butterpuff: More than you know.
[Butterpuff and Muffin are dangerously close to kissing, but Legolas interrupts]
Legolas: Excuse me, Miss Butterpuff, but shouldn’t the princess give the prince the kiss? Not the knight who stood around doing nothing?
Butterpuff: The prince almost never deserves the kiss! Knights always save the princesses. Or at least, that makes sense.
Muffin: Yeah.
Butterpuff: [leaning in] Now, where were we?
Muffin: [smiling] um...
[Mercutio enters]
Mercutio: Stop!
[Link, Caesar, Zelda, Aragorn, and Cleo all enter]
All: Stop!
Muffin: Why?!
Butterpuff: But I love him!
Muffin: [amazed] Really?
Butterpuff: [embarrassed] Oops! Well... yeah. ^_^
Muffin: Wow... um... I love you too.
Everyone else: Awwww!
[Kenshin, Aoshi, Sano, Spike, Ed, Galadriel, Gollum, and Bottom enter]
Kenshin: [Japanese] That’s so sweet, that it is!
Sano: [Japanese] It is.
Mercutio: Aw.
Muffin: [blush] Well it’s true!
La La: Aw! I’m so happy for you guys!
Butterpuff: Heh. ^_^ [beam]
Muffin: [puts arm around Butterpuff]
All: Aww!
Aragorn: Reminds me of me and Legolas; and Cleo and Antony!
Antony: What? [coming through bushes]
Caesar: Yes, it reminds me of me and Antony, and Cleo, and Calphurnia, and Brutus, and Cassius, and... [continues]
Link: [grabs Zelda tightly] Mm.
[Cleo, Antony, Legolas, Caesar, Aragorn, and Brutus (who came from nowhere) all group hug]
[Muffin and Butterpuff lean in to kiss]
Ominous voice: Not so fast!
[lightning, thunder, etc.]
Ominous voice: I won’t let you have her, Muffin!
[Lucifer steps out of shadows, riding Shu the rat]
Lucifer: Come hither, Butterpuff! [holds out his hand, Butterpuff flies through air onto Shu]
Lucifer: Muahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Muffin: Nooooooooo!!
La La: Butterpuffffff!!!
Cupcake: [GASSSSPPPPP]
Shu: Squeak!
Lucifer: I shall now ride away really fast so that you can’t catch me! [rides away really fast. No one can catch him]
Muffin: [dissolving into tears] NOOOO!
La La: Don’t worry, Muffin! We’ll get her back! SOMEHOW!
Mercutio: I just appeared out of nowhere and heard you needed help. Seems the little Butterpuff was stolen?
La La: Yep.
Muffin (hysterically): PLEASE SAVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!
La La: Calm yourself, Muffin! [shakes head] Overly dramatic. Anyway, yeah, we need someone who...
Mercutio: I get it! I’ll save her and then La La will love me! [realizes he’s thinking out loud] I mean... ahem. Okay.
La La: [didn’t notice] Yay!!!!
Cupcake: I’m really sexy... and seductive. ^.^ [winks]
Mercutio: ....okay... [looks at Muffin]
Cupcake: [Doesn’t know why neither of the men next to her is drooling. Flashback to bus scene. ^.^]
*Note: Sorry Sherri, you don’t know about the "bus scene." ^.^*
[Mercutio flies off to save Butterpuff. Muffin gets over himself and decides to go help. La La comes along, leaving Cupcake to the perplexing question of her seductivity.]
[Muffin and La La join Mercutio at the lair of Lucifer. Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes as they approach the odious, menacing, covert, prodigiously horrifying, monstrous, gargantuanly creepy, appallingly weak paper-towel-propped-on-a-Twizzler-shack, in which Lucifer dwells.]
[Oh yeah, rain is there.]
[Plus, Henry’s, like, walking around aimlessly. ^.^]
Muffin: Whoa! That is such an odious, menacing, covert, prodigiously horrifying, monstrous, gargantuanly creepy, appallingly weak paper-towel-propped-on-a-Twizzler-shack, in which I bet Lucifer lives!!!
La La: Dude, you can see through the paper towel!
Mercutio: Yeah. ^.^
Muffin: Shut up! [blushes]
La La: There’s no time for this! Our little Butterpuff was stolen! Let’s go, Mercutio!
[La La runs over to the shack, and a huge burst of lightning and thunder accompany Lucifer as he steps over to them.]
Lucifer: Not so fast, my dears! Ahaha!
La La: Eek.
Mercutio: Yo, we’ve come for Butterpuff!
Lucifer: Duh... that’s why I stole her!
Muffin: But why?! WHY?!?
Lucifer: Why what?
La La: Why is your "house" so crappy?
Lucifer: Hey! I prefer to call it a "LAIR," thank you, and after all these special effects, plus Shu, there wasn’t a lot left! >_<
Mercutio: But dude, that’s sad. You could have borrowed money, you know!
Lucifer: Yeah, but I don’t like being in debt, you know, cause my friends...
Muffin: OKAY! Back to my question: Why did you steal her?!
Lucifer: Oh yeah! Because I wanted her for myself! Muahaha!
Muffin: But! But! She’s mine!
Lucifer: No... Don’t think so!
Muffin: Yeah she is!
Lucifer: Nah...
Muffin: Yes!
Lucifer: No! Whatever, come and try to get her back!
Muffin: Okay!
[Muffin bum-rushes the odious, menacing, covert, prodigiously horrifying, monstrous, gargantuanly creepy, appallingly weak, diabolical, devilish, terrifying paper-towel-propped-on-a-Twizzler shack; and the odious, menacing, covert, prodigiously horrifying, monstrous, gargantuanly creepy, appallingly weak, diabolical, devilish, terrifying paper-towel-propped-on-a-Twizzler shack crumbles.]
Lucifer: Dude!!! You broke the lair!
[Butterpuff is sitting in the midst of the paper towel, etc.]
Butterpuff: Oh Muffin! La La! Mercutio! You saved me! [hug]
Muffin: Aw, it was nothing. [beam]
Mercutio: La La, I have a question: Will you...
Lucifer: NOOOO! YOU CAN’T HAVE HER, MUFFIN!!!!! [tackles Muffin]
[Muffin and Lucifer roll around, punching and kicking; yelling is heard]
La La: Hm. What, Mercutio?
Mercutio: Oh. Um... I was wondering if you’d like to...
Butterpuff: STOP IT!!!!!!!! [It echoes]
[EVERYTHING stops. Lucifer looks up; Muffin (breathing heavily) stares at Butterpuff.]
Butterpuff: Come on, this is crazy! Why fight over little Butterpuff?
Lucifer: Butterpuff? That’s your name?
Butterpuff: Yeah, we’ve said it a few times already! Duh!!!
Lucifer: Oh. I was looking for Ffuprettub! I thought you were just saying it wrong!
Butterpuff: Ffuprettub?
Lucifer: Yeah. Galadriel was taken, and I needed a dark queen... she’s evil, right?
Butterpuff: Yep.
Muffin: Definitely.
La La: Uh-huh!
Lucifer: All right. Go away now. Must rebuild Lair.
[La La, Muffin, and Butterpuff disappear as if by magic]
[Back in the Garden, everyone is there]
Link: Wow, Zelda, you *tired* me out! Let’s go home.
Zelda: All right.
Caesar: Yeah, everyone, let’s go home.
Butterpuff: What a strange day!
Muffin: You can say that again.
La La: Wait! What’s that?
Cupcake: The music! The witches!
Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED
